Hey Ian Poulter

It's a golf tournament, not a douchebag competition.

Elijah Dukes =

Global Icon via Rotoworld.

A 17-year-old foster girl living with a relative of Elijah Dukes told police the Devil Rays outfielder got her pregnant.
The girl, expected to give birth Nov. 5, told investigators she and Dukes had consensual sex on the living room sofa. She said Dukes got angry when she and another person confronted him about the pregnancy. "Yeah, we sat down and told him and he got mad and threw a Gatorade at me," she told investigators. Dukes is already known to have had at least five children with four different women. This is yet another incident that could add to the Rays' desire to ship him out of town.

What I can't figure out is if that makes a better pregnancy test commercial or a better Gatorade commercial. I'm leaning towards the latter. I guess I'd expect nothing less from Gary Sheffield's new protege. He can't be controlled, especially by his own self.


Sometimes I dream...that he is me.....

Marco Scutaro Day

For me, today's shooting at Virginia Tech really drives home that I need to know way more about Don Imus and Anna Nicole Smith.


Seriously, didn't anyone tell that asshole that he can't do this on Marco Scutaro Day? Please let ESPN co-opt this into a sports story. I need to know what Steven A's views are on massacres. What a bunch of dicks.

The Hit

Just felt like posting this, so I didn't forget to later. The best, most physically dominating hit I've ever seen. You're welcome for the awesome quality.


Quentin Coryatt

Anyone been to Kenya?

This story was just emailed to me, and I've got some questions.

A Kenyan secondary school has sent home 20 boys because they were not circumcised, saying it feared they would be bullied by other students.

1. How does the school know?
   
2. How do the bullies know?
3. Since they circumcise women there too, how was this addressed?
4. Are uncircumcised chicks bullied?
   
5. Same bullies? (Are the bullies that bully the boys the same bullies that bully the girls or are bullying duties separated by sex? Can there be cross-sexual bullying?)
6. How do you explain to your parents that you got beat up because the other kids didn't like the way your cock looked?
   
7. Does everyone know that about everyone else in Kenya?
   
8. Is someone in charge of keeping track of this?
9. How often do they check?
10. Was this tracked at my school?
    
11. Are they accepting resumes?

Seriously though, I issued countless middle school beatings for all weird-dicked kids. "Hey funnycock, give me your lunch money or I'll beat the ever living shit out of you."

I've Had It

With that fucking Ali commercial on ESPN. Ali had about as much to do with the creation of rap as howler monkeys had to do with the creation of punk rock. The premise isn't even what pisses me off so much. People can argue whatever the hell they want. Stupid fucking idiotic arguments, but what do I care? It's that assholes blindly accept it as fact, because they think it sounds deep and would never say that Ali didn't have some sort of positive effect on anything. Even that isn't what pisses me off the most. It's when Bill Maher comes on the screen and says, "I am from the house of shock." Now I know it's a quote, but I think Maher believes this about himself, and isn't thinking of Ali when he says it. Contrived isn't shocking. Or funny. What is shocking is the supposed hot ass that this man pulls. I have no examples, but I hear things.

Not from the house of shock.

Also, why the fuck are they still playing the commercial anyway? Didn't the show air like 2 months ago? Assholes.

Matsuzaka has Landed!!

And he looks good.

Lincoln's Birthday

Even today, his words still ring true. Timeless quotes such as: "I wish one of you guys had children, so I could kick them in their fuckin' head or stomp on their testicles." and "My style is impetuous. My defense is impregnable, and I'm just ferocious. I want your heart. I want to eat his children."


Say what you will about him, but Jim Gray has big nuts.

Sundays are for Bowling

Circle Complete

LITTLE SUPERSTAR(Click on screen to play)